Virginia Invites Kentucky to be its Sister State after Rand Paul Win

Richmond, VA – The Virginia Governor has introduced a measure to the Virginia House of Representatives that formally invites the state of Kentucky to be Virginia’s sister state. Normally, a state will invite a foreign state (as in outside of the United States) to become their sister state, but in this case, the legislature is making an exception. According to an official government spokesperson, “Virginia doesn’t need to look outside the United States for sisters, cause they got some pretty good lookin’ ones right here.”

House Representative Hal Horsense from Lynchburg stated that as soon as the results of the primary elections in Kentucky were announced and Rand Paul had been voted in as the GOP choice for Senator, Virginia kinda figured that they weren’t the only state in the union with radical ideas for the future. “But the icin’ that was drapped on the cake, so t’ speak,” said Horsense, “was when ol’ Rand got up thar and came right out and said it like it is. When Rand told everone that a business has the right to deny services to anyone it chooses, that is the freedom of the Constitution speaking right thar through Rand.”

Keeping in line with the Virginia Governor’s desire to include the Confederacy’s rich heritage in its upcoming  150^th Anniversary celebration, an official invitation is being readied to invite Kentucky to join Virginia in recognition of the two states’ commitment to getting back to the original intent of the forefathers (with the exception of Thomas Jefferson), and forge ahead with a common goal, “to unite the American’s America.”

In addition to having a common fondness (not in a sexual way) for Rand Paul, the two states have a few other things in common. For instance, many might not know that Kentucky was actually a part of Virginia before becoming its own state. But there are other way more important things that inextricably link these two states such as their mutual love of guns (sometimes in a sexual way), love of country, and love of country music. “All in all,” says Horsense, “we see this as a natural progression to bring a brother and his sister back together again.”

But what about other states with the same ideals such as South Carolina, Arkansas and Alabama? Why haven’t they been asked to become sister states? Said Horsense, “That’s a darned good question and one we’ve been rasslin’ with. We are tryin’ to come up with some sorta solution and the best one so far is t’ maybe just make ‘em our ‘kissin’ cousin’ states.”