Red Rover Game of Choice for Tea Party Republicans

Seriously, a Jobs Bill? That's the best you got?

“Red Rover. Red Rover, send a budget plan right over,” yelled Senator Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) while linking his arms together tightly with his fellow Republican lawmakers to assure that any legislation, good or bad, wouldn’t make it through their barrier.

Washington insiders are saying that with the newly-elected freshman Tea Party legislators comes a whole new game plan.

“Before we were elected,” says Sen. Paul, “the House and Senate were playing one of the oldest games in the book--Chicken. Problem was, with the elections right around the corner, neither side was willing to ‘get run off the road’ for their beliefs.”

Paul claims that the game Chicken, if played right, can be a highly effective tool for producing the changes he feels are needed in Washington. But Paul contends that the “wussy factor” is much higher when politicians play Chicken, especially during an election year.

Now that he and other younger, more determined Republicans have just entered the scene and aren’t facing the threat of losing their jobs anytime soon, Paul says they needed a game that would show the American public just how far they were willing to go in order to get their way in Washington.

“We’re all pretty much willing to up the ante and play a much more serious game,” said Paul, “and out of all the games out there, Red Rover just really clicks with us.”

Paul claims Red Rover was one of his favorite games to play as a young boy growing up in Texas, and he couldn’t be happier that the game has found its way into his adult life.

“There are so many ways you can play Red Rover,” said Paul, who believes the game offers more strategic options than Chicken.

Senator Marco Rubio (R-Florida) agreed wholeheartedly with his teammate.

Rubio claims that he and his colleagues are adamant about standing strong against any legislation that promotes a socialist agenda, but insists at the same time, there are a few instances where it may be necessary to allow one or two small bills through.

“While we’ve all taken a vow to prevent the passing of any legislation that would remotely make President Obama look like an effective leader,” says Rubio, “we also want to pass laws that are going to benefit us as a group, and the game of Red Rover allows us to do that much more effectively than Chicken without anyone calling us a bunch of wussies.”

Adam Lambert Spelled Backwards is Difficult to Pronounce

Most people have not taken the time to wonder what would happen if you spelled Adam Lambert’s name backwards. Mostly because it doesn’t really spell anything. Trebmal Mada may be a word in a foreign language. It could translate to ‘working giant jungle cat.’ We simply do not know.

One thing is certain, playing Adam Lambert songs backwards are also not likely to produce any particularly sage advice. Not that we’ve tried, but from past experience with Beatles’ music, it pretty much is a hodge-podge of words strung together that sound foreign to our ears and which is not helpful in the least.

What we can agree on is this. The connection of writing Adam Lambert backwards as well as doing the same to his music has a distinct correlation when it comes to trying to decipher exactly what it is the Tea Party wants out of the debt ceiling talks.

If we could find a way of winding the thoughts of some of those newly-elected Senators frontwards, we might have a clue as to just what it is they want to accomplish in Washington.

Apologies for ruining a perfectly good article about Adam Lambert with talk of the Tea Party. This may open up a whole new can of worms, but for anyone interested, if you scramble the letters contained in the words Tea Party, you come up with “Tater Pay.” Guess that’s something we can all start to look forward to, except, of course, the country’s unemployed.

Seniors Have Themselves to Blame for Fight over Nation’s Budget Crisis

Middle America may not like it, but they are getting what they deserve, i.e. a generation of “me first” politicians who could care less whether or not grandma makes it on less than a thousand dollars a month.  

Those “What were you thinking” ads aimed at the politicians who want to take away Medicare and Social Security benefits are laughable to the youngsters who are now in charge.

Talk about entitlements. The Tea Party rug rats who have made their way into Congress as elected officials know all about entitlements. They were raised on them. The “don’t tell me what to do” crowd is now in charge and this is their take on the “What were you thinking” ads:

Hey grandpa, what were you thinking when you were chowing down on a breakfast that consisted of eggs and bacon every single morning?

And grandma, what were you thinking making pot roast, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and a nice big slice of apple pie for dessert every Sunday after church?

Hey dad, your liver ain’t so happy now after those 3 martini lunches, eh?

Oh, and mom, is it my fault you gave in to my every whim? You are the one who taught me that if I bug you enough, you’ll eventually give in because, after all, I was driving you up a frikkin’ wall.

We raised a generation who doesn’t want to pay for grandpa’s gout, grandma’s heart surgery, or mom’s anxiety medicine because, let’s face it, they brought it on themselves, didn’t they?

Our only salvation in all this mess is the fact that China and Japan are the major holders of our debt and it just so happens that they don’t think like the Westerners. They actually revere the elderly. So go ahead, kids, default on that international debt.  It might not be such a bad deal for the nation’s elderly in the long run. 

GOP Considers Palin and Tea Party a Necessary Evil

While conservative pundits continue to say that Republicans are none too pleased about some of the crazy Tea Party candidates who have gotten themselves nominated for Republican House and Senate seats this year, they still have to admit that without them, the party doesn’t stand a chance in hell of taking back control of Congress.

The proof is in the way we are seeing staunch old school Republicans such as Karl Rove practically getting down on all fours and licking Sarah Palin’s Manolo Blahniks for handing them a Republican Congress in November. Rove can only imagine the Tea Party as a third party, instead of the red-headed stepchild of the GOP, and he shivers.

Talk about the Tea Party becoming a third political party is tempting only for the Tea Partiers themselves, not for the Republicans. Trying to keep Palin happy so she won’t take her influence and let that very thing happen is taking its toll on staunch Republicans like Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, Karl Rove and others. You can see it in their body language when forced to share a stage with Palin, smiling through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring, fake cordials.

If you believe that Sarah Palin, herself is capable of getting the Republican Party to lick her boots, you overestimate her power. She is being driven by someone else’s money and quest for power. Someone who knows that the Tea Partiers need the Conservatives just as much as the Conservatives need the Tea Partiers. A break into two parties would mean a split in votes and the real possibility of the Democrats coming out on top.

To understand this a little better, one has only to look at what happened in the 2000 Presidential elections. It was George W. Bush taking on Vice President Al Gore and, say what you will, Gore was expected to win the election on the popular vote. In fact, Gore actually was elected President according to the popular vote. Some say that Ralph Nader, who ran on the Green Party ticket, took valuable votes away from Al Gore and cost him the election. While Nader vehemently denies this, the fact of the matter is many believe that is exactly what happened. And that is what could happen if the Tea Party were to splinter off into a third party.

Fast forward to 2010 mid-term elections. There are two parties—the Democrats and the Republicans. There is no third party, at least none that has candidates running in the election that could pull votes away from the Republican or Democrat parties. While the Tea Party movement members do have a tendency to lean toward conservative beliefs, they are not happy with the conservative agenda. They hate the thought of big business influencing Washington politics almost as much as they hate government running their lives. They don’t want to pay taxes but at the same time, they don’t want corporations to get a tax break while they suffer.

The Tea Party movements has its own agenda and it does not line up well with that of the Republicans. If they were a third party in the election coming up and their candidates were running against Republicans, it is a distinct possibility that Democrats would win the elections because Tea Party members would vote for their own candidates and there wouldn’t be enough votes to carry and election. By voting for their candidates, they’d pull votes away from the Republican candidates, making it difficult for them to get a majority vote as well. And certainly, Republicans would not be voting for the whackos running on the Tea Party ticket.

Makes one wonder if the Tea Partiers plan on ever really breaking away from the Conservatives and forming their own party. If they were running the show, it might have already happened. But the moment they teamed up with Sarah Palin and the money behind Sarah Palin, the game plan changed and the poor folks who signed on to the Tea Party Express were gobbled up by the very people whom they are fighting so hard against—big business.

For now, the Republicans consider the Tea Party a necessary evil and are going along with their far right agenda to ensure success in November. But after the elections, it may be the Tea Party that begins to shed their Republican skins kind of like the lizard people on the hit mini-series “V” years ago and if that happens, it’s anyone’s guess what kind of election year 2012 will be. One thing is for sure, any Democrat worth their salt will be cheering the Tea Party on.

Gang War Brewing Between Tea Party Movement and the GOP

Hicksville, USA - “You put him out there, now you reel him in, and fast,” said Senator John Bohner (R-Ohio), who surprised everyone with his sudden outrage directed at this young, Strom Thurmond-esque uber conservative known as Rand Paul, “or I’ll make a quick trip down to Kentucky and put an end once and for all to this little free radical.” This is just the latest in a line of threats coming from the GOP against the Tea Party Movement over newly elected Senate choice, Rand Paul, after Paul began to tell America how he really feels about the Civil Rights Act.

The issue that everyone believes is at the core of this territorial battle is Rand’s response to the question, “should private businesses be allowed to discriminate based on color or race?” which Rand is skirting, but nonetheless appears to be leaning heavily toward a big yes. But that isn’t truly what this is all about. Nosiree, it goes deeper than that, deeper than the Deep South itself. It’s about a root core of beliefs that go so deep, you couldn’t mine them up even if you used a 21” tube inside a pipe.

What this is about is a bunch of “loose lipped wild boars running roughshod over the decades of hard groundwork the GOP has laid for the conservatives in this party to have a set core of beliefs but, and this is an important but, to keep them hidden just below the surface so as to appear on their face to be anti-racist. We’ve worked hard at this and now this Rand fellow comes along and makes us all out to be hypocrites in one fell swoop,” said Karl Rove in an address to the Freedom Foundation of Southern Heritages in Mammysville, Missouri.

In response to the charge that Rand is giving the GOP a bad name, Sarah Palin has once again come forward as the not-yet-named-but-pretty-much-a-shoe-in spokesperson for the Tea Party Movement. “Ok, so here’s what we all need to do about this Rand fella, or is it Paul? Gosh I’m not sure if I should call him Paul Rand or Rand Paul. I sure hate those double first names, or is Rand a second name and Paul his first name? Who names their kid Rand anyways for gosh sakes?”