Paranormal Group Explains Evil in Kate Gosselin Home

What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help her.

“If you can’t do the job you claim you are capable of, then just say so,” Gosselin reportedly screamed at Joe Heebie, the leader of PAPS (Paranormal and Parapsychic Services) of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. His partner, Carolyn Jeebies, claims the outburst was a result of Heebie telling Gosselin that he was pretty sure the evil she spoke of in her home was just her kids hiding things from her in order to escape her wrath and that a normal cleansing would not make a difference.

Heebie and Jeebies both claim that the only hint of evil they found in the home is manifested in Kate’s frequent anger tantrums.

“It’s a catch-22 situation,” said Jeebies. “On the one hand, you have all these supposedly scary evil things going on in the house, and to deal with it, Kate gets all angry about it and is nervous and edgy all the time. The negative energy just feeds off Kate, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again.”

Asked what evil things are happening, Heebie says he was told by Gosselin that whole cartons of milk have spilled onto the kitchen floor, mushed peas and other vegetables have been found in corners and the toilets have backed up several times.

When Gosselin was asked if it could just be her children being children, the tense mother lost it. “My children,” she shouted, “are good kids, and I am a mother that loves her children. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt them.”

Heebie says that’s when he decided there was more here than meets the eye and decided to set up some audio/visual equipment around the home to rule out paranormal activity as the cause for the strange things happening in the home.

Once the cameras were rolling, sure enough, Collin Gosselin was captured on film spitting the spinach he was given for dinner out of his mouth toward wall behind him when Kate’s back was turned. When confronted, Collin began crying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. The ghost told me to do it.”

After a private sit down with the children, it came out that the toddlers have made up the ghost excuse to tell their mother when they do something wrong so she will vent her anger in the direction of an unseen evil in the home.

Joe Heebie finally confronted Gosselin with the findings telling her that her children have been making up stories about evil beings in the home because they are afraid of telling her the truth and what her reaction might be.

Kate responded: “I send for a frikkin’ priest to rid my house of evil spirits and what do I get? The Heebie Jeebies.”

Kate told the paranormal team to wrap it up and get the hell out of her house but not before she asked “So, is this going to be on television? And if so, when can I expect my check?”

Koch Brothers Running for President in 2012

The Koch brothers are tired of putting their money behind Republican and Tea Party candidates who they complain are not working fast enough to tear apart the very fabric of this country. They complain that there are still people holding on to that silly “American Dream,” and insist they must be stopped at all costs.

“You would think that after all the money we’ve sunk into abolishing  workers’ union rights in this country, getting the Supreme Court to allow millions of corporate dollars to buy our elected officials, and finally getting people to actually support ridding this country of all its major social programs such as Obamacare, Social Security and Medicare, not to mention total privatization of our schools, hospitals and retirement programs [see video at end of post], we’d have something to show for it,” said David Koch at a private function somewhere in the bowels of Virginia.

But the battle so far has been expensive and the Koch brothers feel that the people they’ve been backing just do not have the stomach to really “fight” for the rights of the rich and powerful by stomping on everyone who gets in their way, which is the hallmark of Koch brothers behavior.

“The problem with America is that the common people still think they have rights on everything from choice of job to sexual orientation, when, in fact, they shouldn’t have those rights; unless, of course, they are rich and powerful like the Koch Brothers,” claims Thurston Winstead, President of Americans for Prosperity, one of the Koch brothers’ better known anti-middle class/poor organizations.

The Koch brothers are tired of watching the people they have hired to run for President botch the selling of every single initiative they [the Koch Brothers] have concocted to silence the “troglodytes” of this country. No offense to Bachmann, Perry and Romney, but the Koch Brothers think those frontrunners just don’t have the stomach to really go after Obama aggressively enough.

It is for this reason, the brothers have decided to stop throwing good money after bad and just buy the office of President of the United States for themselves. All they need is a few more “bought” Supreme Court Justices and they can by-pass the electoral process altogether and just name themselves leaders of the free world (soon to be an oxymoron).

The biggest problem right now for the Koch brothers is deciding which one will be the President of the United States and which one will serve as Vice President. The eldest of the two, Charles Koch, claims that he’s willing to let his younger brother, David, take on the office of President as he, Charles, is just not that into openly pushing his agenda, but would prefer to do his work in the background, from the shadows, if you will.

Meanwhile, David, says he’s always detested the name ‘President and Vice-President’ and would prefer that when they finally take office, they change their titles to something more befitting men of their stature. Sources close to David say the brothers have bandied about such names as His Omnipotence and Supreme Second-in-Command, being much more descriptive of the role they would like to play in America’s future. What the brothers both absolutely agree on is keeping Hillary Rodham Clinton on as Secretary of State as she assumes the role of minion so nicely.

A close friend indicates that “with the Koch Brothers, their evil is pretty much distributed evenly, so just suffice it to say that if and when they do take the highest governmental position in the land, don’t be surprised if the first order of business will be to change the national emblem of America from the majestic bald eagle to the lowly common vulture.”