X-Fluents Surpass Uber Rich as the Wealthiest People on Earth

They once were called the Uber Rich, the 1 or 2% of the country’s population who possess the bulk of the nation’s wealth. However, many of the wealthiest Americans have held onto so much of their money that they are now known as the X-Fluents.

“They have money coming out of their ears,” claims one financial advisor who refused to give his name. “I can’t come up with enough ways to help them spend it,” he said as he took a phone call from a client asking him to buy two dozen pair of mating minks for the sole purpose of having a coat made as a special Christmas gift for her prized Shih Tzu, Bianca.

Another of the wealthiest in the world, Countess Dorothy de von Schtook, a New York City socialite, was recently spotted alongside her chauffer testing out the new Aston Martin One-77. “Oh dahling, I simply must have at least a week’s worth of these divine Astons for my collection,” said the Countess as she asked the salesperson to “put it on my account, dear.”

Saul Goldenschwanger, a billionaire who made his fortune in the real estate and oil business, said that although he agrees the label of Uber Rich must go, he hates the fact that he will have to spend extra money on having the name on his yacht “Miss Uber Rich” re-painted. “I have no idea if the name X-Fluent is available or if it is even an appropriate name for a sea-going vessel,” said a flustered Goldenschwanger. “I do so hate these minor inconveniences.”

Fortunately, the media has already caught on to the change so that those affected won’t be offended. In fact, Goldenschwanger said he didn’t really care what they called him, “just don’t call me late for dinner,” he mused, proving that he wasn’t really all that upset after all about having his yacht re-christened.

Uber Rich Get Their Own Dollar Stores

American Wealth Weekly (AWW) has just announced that a chain of stores based on the Dollar Store model will be opening for the uber rich sometime early next year. For decades, discount stores such as The Dollar Tree and Dollar General have offered its customers cheap knock off products for a dollar or more per item, making them very popular with lower and middle-class shoppers, especially in slower economic times.

It is these slower economic times that are causing other companies to look for ways to serve the uber rich. The mantra of the wealthiest citizens of the United States has always been “If you have to ask how much it costs, you can’t afford it.” However, with tax increases on the horizon, the rich are expecting a break in prices as well, and that is where these new millionaire discount stores hope to fill a marketing niche.

The $100 Dollar Stores, as the chain will be called, will carry knock offs just like their lower income counterparts. The difference is in the quality of the knock offs. We’re talking Versace-like dresses for $100, Rolex-like watches for $100, even jars of Beluga-like caviar for $100. From discount designer evening gowns to high-priced gourmet foods, millionaires will now have a place to buy deeply discounted luxury items.

“Our stores will offer the finer things in life but they won’t cost nearly as much as they would at famous name retailers,” said David Smythe, co-founder of $100 Dollar Stores.

We asked Smythe how he can possibly offer such fine products at the ridiculously low price of $100 each. He told us he does the same thing as say Big Lots or Family Dollar stores.

“We buy in bulk and we buy flawed seconds,” he said. “For instance, we may ask Tiffany’s to sell us all the pearl jewelry they have in stock that may contain flaws. No self-respecting millionairess would pay $10,000 for a flawed necklace, but if you offer it to her for $100, she’ll snatch it up quicker than you can say exquisite,” he laughed.

Asked if the millionaires he’s targeting won’t feel a bit embarrassed walking into his store, Smythe laughed. “Oh hell no,” he said.  “I anticipate my stores will be very popular with men who want to impress their wives and mistresses with the finer things in life but are too cheap to buy them at their full retail price.”