Senin, 14 September 2009

EU Decision Throws Europe Into Darkness

Hours, KW – The Eiffel Tower is now a threat to aviation safety as it stands unlit in the Paris night. Other famous landmarks in various European cities have gone dark as well because of the European Union’s decision to ban incandescent light bulbs in favor of replacing them with the more energy efficient compact fluorescent bulbs (CFL) sold by Wal-Marts all over Europe.

“The actions of the EU have created a very hazardous situation in Europe,” one senior official commented. Europeans are beginning to hoard the incandescent bulbs and, when they recently found they were unable to purchase them from their local stores, they began stealing them from around any and all public outdoor displays, plunging all major and some minor cities into darkness. Even by replacing the stolen bulbs with CFL's, the cities are experiencing the phenomenon of "low, ambient lighting" creating shadow hazards not previously experienced.

The bulb frenzy seems to have struck Parisiennes the hardest. Women, especially, are being found with large stockpiles of the outlawed bulbs in various hiding places in their homes. Incandescent bulbs have long given out superior light when it comes to putting on makeup. With the new CFL’s, some women are coming out of their homes looking like clowns, having applied more makeup than necessary due to the low lighting being emitted from their vanity mirrors. “Eet ees an outrayshge,” said one Parisienne beauty. “Loook at moi, Look at moi! I am ze ugliest wooman on ze planet!” An unidentified male who just happened to be listening in on her rant had to agree with her. “She had lipstick in places even clowns don’t cover,” he observed.

Men throughout Europe have begun staging protests as well—taking to the streets demanding that incandescent bulbs make a return to the stores. “We can’t stand to look at our women anymore,” exclaimed Maurice Chevalier III. Even little girls are turning ugly beyond belief. Where are the beauties my grandfather sang about?

Interestingly, there seems to be fewer complaints in Great Britain and Germany, where the women have long since foregone the feminine primping of their French counterparts. In those countries, there is no notable difference in how the women look. It is very difficult to determine if that is because the lighting is not good enough to find the flaws, or if they just weren’t that pretty to begin with.

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