Senin, 13 Juli 2009

Madoff RFD

It was announced today that Bernard Madoff has finally found a prison home for the rest of his natural life, Mayberry RFD. As crazy as it sounds, Madoff’s attorney had put in a request that Madoff’s sentence be carried out at Otisville, NY, in order for him to be close to his family. Unfortunately, whoever received that request read it completely wrong and thought that Madoff was requesting to be imprisoned in the same cell where the infamous “Otis” of Mayberry RFD fame spent most of his weekends on “The Andy Griffith Show.” It is assumed that he was hoping that, true to form, Barney would leave the keys unattended and Madoff would be able to make his escape in no time.

Upon hearing the news, Barney Fife declared, “there ain’t no one ever escaped from this here jail cell, and I’ll be darned if this high falootin' city slicker is gonna be the first, ain’t that right Ange?” Andy agreed, "Youbetcha Barn.”

‘Bout that time, Opie came running in the jail yelling “Paw, Paw, is it true, is it true? Andy answered, “is it true, what Ope?” "Is it true this new pris’ner is a sinnin’ against the Lord?” “Why Ope,” said Andy, “what ever do you mean?” “Well, Paw, I heard that he’s been convicted of a white collar crime, and the only folks I know that’s got white collars are the preachers down at the Church.” “Aw, Ope, this here’s another kinda crime. Now you run along and fetch your Aint Bee for me will ya? We needs to have some supper brought up here right quick for our new pris’ner."

Aunt Bee hurried into the Sheriff’s office, wringing her hands and looking a might unsettled. “Why Aint Bee,” Andy was reported as saying, “you look like you’re just about to lose the blue ribbon for your sweet ‘n sour pickles to Clara down at the an-yule County Fair, I do declare.” “Oh Andy,” she said, flustered, “I just found out about your new prisoner and I’m just beside myself.” “Well, why, Aint Bee? He’s just like all th’ other pris’ners we’ve had in here, ain’t he?” “Ohhh no, Andy, he’s not, he’s just not at all like the other prisoners.” He’s Jewish.” “Well Aint Bee, I do declare, you ain’t never been against anyone in particular before,” Andy said, looking scornful at Aunt Bee. “Ohhh, no, Andy,” she replied. “I don’t care atall about his religion…I’m just concerned because I’m not sure about one thing. Andy, is fried chicken kosher?”

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