Terrence Templeton was a happily married man for 53 years to his high school sweetheart, Gladys. The two were inseparable and couldn’t remember ever really having any major fights in all that time. But Templeton, now 76, is divorced and says it is all the fault of the Acme Ear Plug Company.
Terrence, or “Tip” says that he’s been buying the same ear plugs going on 40 years and never had a minute’s trouble with their effectiveness. “Gladys is a talker, plain and simple,” says Tip. “From the time she’d wake up in the morning, till she laid her pretty little head on the pillow and whispered ‘night Tip’ she talked. Never really said much, just talked. And she drove me up a friggin’ wall with all that talking,” he said.
The ear plugs made Tip’s flawed wife, flawless. Gladys doted on Tip and Tip on Gladys. Everyone said they were that one couple who would never, ever get divorced. Ever. But then something happened that would change all that. The Acme Ear Plug Company made a change in how they made their ear plugs. They discontinued the type that Tip had been buying for the past 40 years, which they called “The Silencer.” Ironically, not only did Acme change the shape of the plug, but they also re-named it “the Quietude.”
“They are just not the same product,” Tip told a jury at the civil trial he brought for damages against the Acme Ear Plug Company. “The design change of the ear plugs I’d been buying for 40 years resulted in a faulty product, causing me to lose sleep, become nervous, and eventually lash out at my precious Gladys one night in a fit of rage. Although I didn’t hit her, we both knew that one more word out of that woman and she would have been talking out the next side of Tuesday. We agreed at that point, we were going to have to get a divorce,” testified Tip through quivering lips.
Acme’s attorney would not comment on the case other than to say that the design changes have been made and the old ear plugs are no longer being manufactured. Gladys, meanwhile, has moved on and found love with Harvey Weinstein, who just happened to know a good thing when he saw it and went out and bought a Miracle Ear with volume control.