Scientist Claims Facebook is a Secret Social Experiment for Monetary and Political Gain

Henrique Oppenheimer, a research scientist who works for a major scientific research laboratory in Los Alamos, New Mexico, has let leak that the social networking site, Facebook, is actually a secret social experiment that began as a way to get humans to open up completely about their feelings in a public forum so that corporations could use the information for monetary and political gain.

Oppenheimer claims that Mark Zuckerberg, the supposed creator of Facebook, actually just agreed to lend his name to the laboratory to make the site appear to be the brainchild of another internet startup that took other networking sites such as LinkedIn and MySpace and made them better.

“We needed a way to get human beings to open up about how they felt on certain topics such as politics, religion, marriage, divorce, dating, etc.,” said Oppenheimer, “but we needed an honesty that ordinary poll questionnaires just didn’t allow.” The information gathered from Facebook has been used by some of the largest corporations in the world to develop and sell various new products, as well as helping decide what politicians must do and say to get elected to office.

Oppenheimer says that no one could predict just how effective the site would become in gathering information about its test subjects. What started out as a study in human behavior became a springboard for one of the most incredibly honest outpourings of feelings the world has ever seen and the most lucrative wellspring of public opinion ever produced.

The laboratory that Oppenheimer claims to be working for totally denies the allegations and says that they have nothing to do with Facebook. “We have a Facebook page, period,” said chief research scientist, Bark Ingmad. “We would encourage those who may believe Oppenheimer’s claims to continue their rants, raves, friending and unfriending as usual and to not worry so much about who is watching or taking notes.”

Collective Human Intelligence in Danger Due to Internet

Scientists in Stockholm, Sweden are just now concluding a 5-year long research project designed to determine whether or not mainstream consciousness is finally overpowering mindless consciousness and endangering the world we live in to such a degree that we may find ourselves staring down the real Apocalypse of 2012. See Video for proof.

Some of the findings are startling. From the “don’t worry your bottom dollar about it” scenario to “holy shit, we have a crisis on our hands” [our words not theirs], the report is poised to set the social networking world on its head.

Everything from school buildings becoming obsolete because kids can just go to school from their bedrooms, to scientists botching some of the most important scientific studies of our time because they got sidetracked by Twitter, have found their way into the report.

“Human interaction, as we know it,” said Dr. Heinz Friedendehead, “will no longer be the norm, and in some cases is already becoming quite abnormal as people begin to find ways to hide behind computer screens in order to communicate with family, friends, loved ones, bosses, doctors, lawyers and the occasional stranger.”

Dr. Friedendehead claims that the very complex issues that are facing us as a people such as global warming, famine, disease, super bugs, etc. were once getting the attention they deserved maybe twenty years ago, but in today’s social networking arena are taking a back seat and suffering from botched data caused by a lack of attention on the part of the research scientists studying the issues.

“Global warming, for instance,” he said. “Global warming was poised to be taken care of just after the turn of the century, but instead the social networking site ‘MySpace’ appeared on computer screens. From there, it morphed into ‘Facebook’ and now all anyone can say about global warming is that it is on everyone’s mind—right. Just after how many times Lindsay Lohan has been jailed and what color panties Katie Perry is wearing today, or whose dog pooped on whose neighbor’s lawn.”

Dr. Friedendehead has this warning for us. “Wake up people. You can only see so many ‘puking pumpkin’  and ‘monkey ninja’ images before realizing that we have a major problem the world over. Aunt Sarah’s bout with arthritis is important, sure, but so is saving our planet. Get off the computer, go to work on something important, and send Aunt Sarah a ‘Get Well Soon’ card through the mail.”