Cash for Clunkers: Herbie the Love Bug Traded In for 2009 Kia Rio

Reno, NV - The lovable Herbie The Love Bug VW Beetle was taken in as scrap this week at Bud Glow’s Rio Showcase Car Dealership in Reno, Nevada. The car’s owner, Delora Upswing, said the car was given to her as a present from a friend years ago and she just kept it locked up in the garage.

As soon as she heard about the Cash for Clunkers program, she decided it was time to part ways with the little fellow and get herself a sporty new ride.

When she went to start Herbie, he sputtered and coughed and she thought he wouldn’t make it, but true to form, he started running like a top. “It’s a shame I should get rid of this cute little car,” said Delora, “but he’s too out of date.” At that, Herbie’s bright headlights began to fade as he slowly rolled down the driveway and took Delora for one last ride, oil conspicuously dripping from his tear ducts.

Once they arrived at Bud Glow’s, Herbie was escorted to the back of the lot with the rest of the dejected clunkers. Delora, meanwhile, got a great deal from Bud himself, and drove off the lot in her brand new Rio, not even looking back at Herbie.


Update: Since last reported, Herbie has been saved. An old mechanic named Don, who works for Bud, realized who Herbie was and offered to take him off the lot for the cost of salvage. Last seen Don was cruising the streets of Reno with Herbie flashing his lights and wagging his windshield wipers.

C’mon. This is a comedy site. You really think I’d off Herbie?

Cash for Concubines

Washington, DC – The Obama Administration has just announced yet another way to spend millions of our tax dollars on programs that will surely invite the most corrupt to take advantage. One such program, “Cash for Concubines” is aimed at aiding lying cheating husbands, especially those in Washington’s own back yard, to get rid of their old mistresses and trade them in for new models. “Some of these guys have, uh, well, they’ve really, uh, got it hard,” Obama said. “Here they are, wanting to keep the stability of a home life, uh, but also, wanting a little on the side. But it gets harder for them as their mistresses begin to approach the age of their wives. I felt like I had to help a brother out, so to speak,” he added.

Men can now apply for a voucher in the amount of $100,000 to offer to their old mistresses, as well as a free coupon for hair plugs, if needed, to improve their appearance, making it a little easier to court the young women waiting in line for their 15 minutes. The voucher and coupon program helps everyone through a very difficult transition period.

Although the program has already caught heat from a few wives, the general consensus in the male community is “we’re going to do it whether there’s a voucher program or not. This just makes it easier on everyone, so quit your bitchin’ and get back in the kitchen.”