It's Time to Take From the Rich

The White House has leaked what costumes the Obamas will be wearing at the annual White House Halloween Ball. The President has chosen to be Robin Hood, and Mrs. President will become Maid Marian. The theme for the ball this year will be “Sherwood Be Nice to Make Everyone Happy.”

Following the President’s lead, Eric Holder has agreed to come dressed as the Sheriff of Nottingham; Carey Cash will be attending as Friar Tuck; and Rahm Emmanuel has reluctantly signed on as Little John. The rest of the Merry Men will include Barney Frank, Max Baucus and Nancy Pelosi.

Breaking from the crowd will be Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, and her husband, President Clinton. They will attend the party as Fabio and the Secretary of State. Joe Biden? Yep, Town Crier. That’s a foregone conclusion.

“It’s gonna be wicked great,” said Michelle Obama. “We’ve got a really great party planner who is going to transform Camp David into Sherwood Forest for the evening and wait until you see my man in those green tights!” Yes, that will be something to see, half of Washington in green tights.

Some in Washington believe that this Halloween ball is the precursor for very real events to take place over the next few months whereby President Obama is finally going to mandate a real taking from the planned year-end bonuses of the banks and insurance companies’ Chairmen and CEOs and giving to the small businesses and homeowners who are on the verge of losing everything.

Says Michelle, “You know, I think it is going to be really hard to get Barack to take off that costume come November 1st, but then again, he doesn’t need green tights to take the green back.” No he doesn’t Michelle, no he doesn’t.

Clinton: N. Korea Needs a Good Spanking

Phuket, Thailand - Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced fuh-ket), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention. She expressed the desire to take Kim Jong Il over her knee and give him a good spanking. She scolded them for being so mean that they now don’t have any friends, and told them if they don’t stop shooting their rockets off, she was going ground them for three weeks with no internet.

The petulant N. Koreans called Clinton a mean mommy and stomped off to make some more rockets. “Who cares?” they muttered. “Who needs friends when you have enriched uranium?”

Bill's Philandering Pays Off

Washington D.C. - Thanks to some help from those in high places, as well as some very creative fundraising, Hillary Clinton’s Presidential campaign fund has gone from red to black, literally. She’s not only gotten some help from President Obama in helping her pay off the $25 million debt left by her campaign, but also from her husband, Bill.

Upon realizing that their $5 raffle tickets to “spend a day with Bill Clinton” was generating a lot of interest from Hillary’s female supporters, they decided to “go all the way” and offer Bill up for an entire weekend to not one, but two lucky bidders. So far the bidding has brought in more than enough to pay off Hillary’s debt and keep Bill out of her hair for awhile. Said Bill, “I’m just happy I’m finally able to turn my weaknesses into something powerful for Hillary. Everybody wins in the end.”

Unfortunately, the offer for the opportunity to talk politics with James Carville has garnered only one response from none other than Joe the Plumber, who just wants to do it because he says he cracks up when he hears Carville’s accent.

Hillary Clinton Throws Hissy Fit

Hillary Clinton wants the President to know in no uncertain terms that she’s just as important a part of his Administration as Joe Biden, and she’s not backing down this time. After breaking her elbow and missing out on a couple of high-profile trips abroad, Clinton is feeling the sting of being left behind in this administration.

So, exactly what has gotten Clinton so riled up? According to sources closest to Hill, as she’s affectionately known around the Oval Office, she’s tired of being left out of everything. So far, the President has gone on two burger runs in the past four weeks and hasn’t stopped by her office once to take her order. One of those times, he actually took Joe Biden with him and paid for his lunch, which ticked Clinton off to no end. “He and Joe walked right by my office, stuck their heads in the door, and yelled ‘goin’ to lunch, be back later,’ and just left.” She continued to rant, “I’m sure he knows how much I love burgers because it was one of the many gazillion questions he had us answer during his ridiculous vetting process before getting this asinine job.” She quickly retracted the last part of that statement and assured the American public that being Secretary of State does not really suck that bad.

But she did add, “If Obama wants me to be this country’s mascot, don’t just give me the costume and the title, give me the respect I deserve, and for God’s sake, would it hurt to throw in a burger every once in awhile?”