Paranormal Group Explains Evil in Kate Gosselin Home

What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help her.

“If you can’t do the job you claim you are capable of, then just say so,” Gosselin reportedly screamed at Joe Heebie, the leader of PAPS (Paranormal and Parapsychic Services) of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. His partner, Carolyn Jeebies, claims the outburst was a result of Heebie telling Gosselin that he was pretty sure the evil she spoke of in her home was just her kids hiding things from her in order to escape her wrath and that a normal cleansing would not make a difference.

Heebie and Jeebies both claim that the only hint of evil they found in the home is manifested in Kate’s frequent anger tantrums.

“It’s a catch-22 situation,” said Jeebies. “On the one hand, you have all these supposedly scary evil things going on in the house, and to deal with it, Kate gets all angry about it and is nervous and edgy all the time. The negative energy just feeds off Kate, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again.”

Asked what evil things are happening, Heebie says he was told by Gosselin that whole cartons of milk have spilled onto the kitchen floor, mushed peas and other vegetables have been found in corners and the toilets have backed up several times.

When Gosselin was asked if it could just be her children being children, the tense mother lost it. “My children,” she shouted, “are good kids, and I am a mother that loves her children. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt them.”

Heebie says that’s when he decided there was more here than meets the eye and decided to set up some audio/visual equipment around the home to rule out paranormal activity as the cause for the strange things happening in the home.

Once the cameras were rolling, sure enough, Collin Gosselin was captured on film spitting the spinach he was given for dinner out of his mouth toward wall behind him when Kate’s back was turned. When confronted, Collin began crying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. The ghost told me to do it.”

After a private sit down with the children, it came out that the toddlers have made up the ghost excuse to tell their mother when they do something wrong so she will vent her anger in the direction of an unseen evil in the home.

Joe Heebie finally confronted Gosselin with the findings telling her that her children have been making up stories about evil beings in the home because they are afraid of telling her the truth and what her reaction might be.

Kate responded: “I send for a frikkin’ priest to rid my house of evil spirits and what do I get? The Heebie Jeebies.”

Kate told the paranormal team to wrap it up and get the hell out of her house but not before she asked “So, is this going to be on television? And if so, when can I expect my check?”

Kate Gosselin Forced to Send Kids to Public School

Kate Gosselin and the kids were seen at a local clip joint getting their hair cut for school. “They’re going to public school this year,” chirped Gosselin. “I’ve been told that they have to have really short haircuts so that if there is a lice epidemic, it will be easier to rid them of the buggers.”

Of course, that is just one of the misnomers Ms. Gosselin has about public schools and it is driving members of the local school board up a wall. “She’s going around telling everyone that her kids ‘are going to have to eat government cheese and like it,’ and ‘if she doesn’t send boxes of Kleenex to school with her kids, they could get kicked out.’”

“What an uneducated bore,” said Melissa Perry, an administrative assistant who works for the school board and is in charge of taking Gosselin’s numerous phone calls. “You would think that her kids are the only ones enrolled this year.”

Perry isn’t the only person complaining about the commando way Kate is taking over the schools her children will be attending. Last week the principal of Harvey Milk Elementary claims that Kate Gosselin personally called and told him “Now, you understand Mr. Milk that the only reason I am sending my kids to your school is because I want them to experience a balance in their lives. I expect my kids to be treated just like everyone else, even though their last name is Gosselin and they have above-average intelligence.”

The principal, who, by the way, is not Harvey Milk, replied, “Yes, and those free lunches will come in pretty handy, as well.”

Kate Gosselin Disappointed None of Her Children Showing Star Potential

As a new season of Kate Plus Eight finishes up filming to get ready to air on August 8, Kate has come away from the experience with a new concern regarding her 8 children: “None of them have an ounce of star potential,” says Kate.

Kate claims that ever since she’s been showing off her kids on reality shows, she’s been too busy just trying to keep some kind of civilized order that she never really sat down and thought about what the kids were bringing to the table.

“When they were young,” said Kate, “all they had to do is stand in front of a camera and eat a popsicle and they were considered the star of the show. But now that they are getting older, that popsicle trick just doesn’t cut it. So far, this season, I’m sorry to say that it’s gonna be the same old thing, a bunch of whining kids waiting for me to step up to the plate,” she said.

“Sure, we’ve gone on new field trips, we’ve seen new things, but honestly, how many times can you watch a bunch of kids out in the field trying to catch butterflies?” she asked. “I mean, look at Bindi Irwin, [daughter of the late Steve Irwin]. She is just a couple of years older than my twins. That little girl can sing, dance, act, wrestle alligators, the whole nine yards,” said Kate. “I wish I could direct my kids’ energy like that so that instead of acting like monkeys in a zoo…” she trailed off.

Kate says that because she doesn’t have the money to send the kids to acting class, she doesn’t see them really making a name for themselves in show business. Therefore, she’s pretty much resigned herself to the fact that her acting talents alone are going to have to carry the show. She admits the irony. “Reality bites sometimes,” she said.

“It’s a burden when you know you are the only one in the family with God-given talents,” said Gosselin. “But at least I’m thankful for that. I mean, what the heck would we all do if I couldn’t act, dance, or negotiate the hell out of a contract?”

Kate Gosselin Prefers Camping Down Under to Palin’s Alaska

It took mere seconds into the filming of a camping trip in Australia for Kate Gosselin of Kate Plus 8 to make it quite clear that the outdoors she and the kiddies experienced in Australia was far superior and way more enjoyable than that introduced to them in Alaska as guests of Sarah Palin.

“Finally,” said Gosselin after climbing out of her spacious tent in the Outback, “I can show the world that I’m not a sniveling, whining princess who can’t survive in the wilderness.” The fact that she had her own toilet tent, something other than leaves to wipe herself, and her own personal entourage of make-up artists and hair stylists tagging along, didn’t hurt. Not to mention, the only bears she needed to fear in this environment were cuddly koalas.

What Gosselin didn’t bring up was the fact that when told she’d be going on another camping trip with the kids, she threw a royal fit and threatened to quit the show, something she does quite regularly no matter the destination, save perhaps Hawaii. This time though, she claimed it was justified. “You ever sat around a campfire chewing on masticated whale blubber and having to act all friendly like with a woman whose voice makes you want to throw yourself off an ice floe?”

However, as always, she was reminded that the show pays for her lifestyle, and with that, she begrudgingly picked up her Gucci backpack and stomped toward the limo waiting to whisk her and her offspring to the outback in style, stopping only once to get in a quick tanning session in anticipation of making it to the beach after a few days of roughing it.

Reporters caught up with Sarah Palin to ask her what she thought about Kate’s adventures camping in Australia. “Sure, who wouldn’t love 80 degree sunny weather with hunky outback guys carrying your 18-piece Gucci luggage all over the place for you?” then said, “Now excuse me. I have work to do. This bear isn’t gonna skin itself.”

Sarah Palin Makes Kate Gosselin the Face of Her Feminist Movement

Meet Kate Gosselin, Super Mom. The only thing missing is a strong man supporting her, but that isn’t deterring Sarah Palin from naming her the 2010 Feminist of the Year. It is also not deterring Palin’s strong political allies, Christine O’Donnell and Michele Bachmann from standing behind Gosselin and admiring her courage in the face of overwhelming odds to raise eight kids alone. In fact, they love Gosselin so much, they’ve re-formulated their acronym from BOP (Bachmann, O’Donnell and Palin) to GOP and B (Gossselin, O’Donnell, Palin and Bachmann).

Gosselin is hoping this latest endorsement of her coping skills will net her a prime place at the head of the Republican/Christian single men’s most desirable female list. “I just think it’s time to put myself out there for all the right guys to see what a catch I am,” said Gosselin in accepting the endorsement. “In fact, if I didn’t have eight kids, I, myself, would probably run for a senate seat. Those girls make it look so easy,” she said of Palin, O’Donnell and Bachmann. “Right now, I have one goal only,” said Gosselin with that knowing smile, “and if I told you what it was, I’d probably not be sentator material.”

Meanwhile, Jon Gosselin, upon hearing the news, laughed out loud. “Sure, go ahead guys, have at it. You want a strong woman? You’ll not find one stronger—willed that is,” he said.”Try going out of town on business trips, not taking out the trash, wanting some personal time when every available moment you have is taking care of the eight kids she so lovingly describes as angels, while Kate is out having her tushie waxed, her nails strengthened, and her weave re-woven. Come to think of it, she’d make a perfect senator.”

Emmy Nod Goes to Kate Gosselin for Inside Edition Interview

Los Angeles, CA – It may be too soon to speculate, but rumors have it that Kate Gosselin may just take home a Primetime Emmy this fall for her recently spectacular performance on Inside Edition where she convincingly told her interviewer that she missed being a part of her own family.

“The tears were real,” claims Shoshone Wyatt, the interviewer privileged to sit down with Kate and ask the hard questions. “Honest to God, not a drop of glycerin was used to garner that tender moment when Kate swore up and down that she truly would rather be back home with her kids in Pennsylvania than wearing expensive gowns and basking in the posh glow of Los Angeles.”

Many are asking why Kate puts up with having to work so hard to provide for her children. The long hours, the dancing, which she obviously hates (one can feel her pain with every cha-cha step she takes), and the interviews, the relentless questions, the fame, being in front of the cameras non-stop. Why does she do it? “I love my kids,” claims Kate. “Sure, I could quit it all today, sell my house, downsize, get a day job close to home, maybe even give up manicures and pedicures to cut corners, but would that make my life any better? I think we all know the answer to that question.”

So on poor Kate goes, to the next interview, the next lunch or dinner at some fabulous dining spot in Beverly Hills, all the while worrying about being away from her kids, wondering if the nannies are feeding them their mac and cheese and boloney sandwiches on time and getting them ready for bed at a decent hour. It is all so tragic, yet all so necessary.

“Yes,” says Kate, “hopefully, the harder I work, the more my kids will come to understand the sacrifices we’re all making to live a better life.” And the award goes to—Kate Gosselin.

Should Kate Gosselin be Required to Pay Alimony to Jon?

With Kate Gosselin now bringing in a paycheck from appearances on Dancing with the Stars (DWTS), and Jon Gosselin still kicking around with no job prospects, it only stands to reason that he should get some of her money. I mean, let’s face it, he has 8 children to support and he can’t do it alone.

So, should he go back to court and ask for alimony? More than likely if he did, it would be granted and for several legal reasons, the strongest of which is that as the father of Kate’s children, he is expected to provide a stable environment for the children during visits and without the money necessary to do so, it could impact their overall well-being, both physically and psychologically.

But beside the legal implications of who should support whom, it is imperative that the children see their mommy as generous and kind toward their father and what better way to show that than to share her earnings with him. He was just trying to do the right thing by keeping his children out of the TLC spotlight, and by doing so, he cut off his only supply of steady income. That selfless act in and of itself should garner him at least a third or more of what Kate makes on DWTS.

Some may say that Jon is well taken care of by his current sweetheart and doesn’t really need the money; however, the fact remains that he is spending quite a bit of his personal time taking care of the kids while Kate is busy making a name for herself, and it shouldn’t matter who is making the money as long as the kids are under the impression that both their parents are well to do.

If nothing else, Jon needs cigarette money. Do you know how much a pack of smokes costs these days? With all the added stress of caring for the kids himself while Kate is off dancing with the stars, it would be unfair to ask him to give up the habit at this critical juncture.

So, the question, should Jon ask the Courts to grant him alimony from his working wife? All signs point to sure, why not? If it were the other way around, the question wouldn’t even need to be asked. And we’re betting Jon would be liked much better on DWTS than Kate anyway leading to way more money in the long run.

Kate Gosselin: The Taming of the Shrewd

The long-awaited news has finally arrived. TLC has just announced the name and format for Kate’s solo show, sans Jon and Kids. The show is tentatively named Kate: TheTaming of the Shrewd, and it features Kate each week being employed by B through D-rated reality stars, who give Kate some much needed lessons in humility by assigning her various odd jobs to perform.

Our sources tell us that Kate’s been spotted on location around town taking on the tasks that will become part of her new show.

In the first episode, TLC has Kate cleaning the kitchen of quick-tempered TV Chef personality, Gordon Ramsay. With Kate doing the cleaning, Ramsay is expected to give a dinner party where all his guests will be able to eat off the floor! But will Kate even make it to the mopping with Ramsay breathing down her neck, or will her servitude end early with a repeat of Ramsay’s famous “pig” comment?

Other episodes slated will include:

Kate babysitting Nadya Suleman’s (Octomom) 14 children—Who better to handle a full brood of youngsters than the original Octomom? Will coping with 6 additional children send Kate over the edge? Will it throw off her rhythm? Will Nadya flip out when the time comes to actually relinquish control of her kids to someone else? Or will Kate and Nadya bond long enough for Kate to get some much needed tips from Nadya on how to set up a website to accept donations for over-sized families?

Cleaning out Rachel Zoe’s shoe closet—This one might just prove to be the most fun to watch as we take bets on whose OCD wins out on this battle of the wills. While Kate is just starting to amass a large shoe collection, she has no idea of the hundreds of pairs she’ll be dealing with in Zoe’s closet. And to add to the fun, TLC folks have taken some shoes out of the boxes and left some in, leaving Kate to decide if all the shoes should be boxed or unboxed. We have a feeling that she’ll find out soon enough from Rachel.

Walking Gretchen and Danny Bonaduce’s dogs—It’s payback time for the Gosselin puppies who didn’t have a chance on Jon and Kate Plus 8. In the new show, we’ll see how long it takes Kate to try and convince the Bonaduces’ breeder to take their dogs back after a few rounds of scooping poop.

As with Gosselin’s previous reality series, Kate: TheTaming of the Shrewd is expected to pull in huge viewing audiences that want to see Kate succeed as a working mother and cheer her on even while she may be cleaning some D-list actor’s toilet. And it will also have folks watching just to see Kate get a little comeuppance and, as they say, “put her back in her place.”

It should be a rollicking fun time for all and another major TLC hit.

To make things a little more interesting on this show, TLC is asking Kate’s fans to write in and let them know who they’d like to see Kate serving and what they’d like to see her do. According to TLC, “the wackier, the better.” So if you have any ideas, now is the time, because they’ll only be taking viewer suggestions until March 15, 2010. And please, TLC asks that you “keep it clean” for Kate’s sake.

Best of luck, Kate!

2009 Father of the Year – NOT – Awards Announced

The year 2009 saw a plethora of bad daddy behavior around the country and we, at Glossy News, thought we’d take the low road and list some of our favorites. Although we are using a numbering system to count the dads down, in our book, they all deserve to receive the #1 worst father of the year award.

10. On April 2, 2009 at approximately 3 a.m., Robert Daniel Webb had a hankering for a hot cup of coffee, got his little 9-year-old daughter, Meadow, out of bed, and drove the two of them down to the local AM/PM Mini Mart in Ellensburg, Washington where he proceeded to rob the store. The only reason he didn’t make the top of this list is that he told his daughter, “get anything you want, sweetheart, it’s on daddy this time,” as he pointed a semi-automatic weapon at the store clerk.

9. Richard Heene, father of the now infamous “Balloon Boy” 6-year-old Falcon Heene, made headlines on October 15, 2009 when he orchestrated a hoax from his Fort Collins, Colorado home that had the entire country glued to their television sets watching what they thought was Falcon floating above the earth in a home-made “flying saucer-type” balloon.

Why, you ask, would daddy go to such lengths to involve his whole family in this type of behavior? Oh, yeah, money. Seems Mr. Heene was delusional enough to think that if he could pull off a hoax of this magnitude, he’d catch the attention of Bravo or TLC or any number of other cable channels looking for the next big reality television sensation. As much as we would have loved to see another dysfunctional family tear each other to bits on cable TV for the almighty dollar, the only thing Heene and his wife ended up getting from the stunt was some jail time. What a wacky dad you’ve got there, Falcon.

8. Michael Lohan, father of actress, Lindsay Lohan, was arrested for criminal contempt on December 14, 2009 for allegedly violating a protective order by threatening to kill his girlfriend and himself if she left him. Here’s a tip, Daddy Lohan. Acting and “acting out” are two very different things. Lose the anger.

7. Michael Monahan claims he loves his two sons, 3 and 6, and that is the reason he allowed them to play in the trunk of his car, with the lid closed of course, while he ran an errand in Fall River, Massachusetts on November 27, 2009. The judge who heard his case loves the boys too, evidently, because the boys are now in the custody of their mother.

6. Enrique Gonzalez of Fresno, California apparently doesn’t know the difference between branding cattle and branding your own son when, on April 23, 2009, he decided it was time to have a gang symbol of a bulldog tattooed on his 7-year-old son. Accounts differ as to whether or not he should get the worst father of the year award or the best father of the year award, because as Gonzalez tells it, “I just did what my son asked. He asked for a tattoo so he could be just like me.” Ah, fatherly love.

5. On or about February 8, 2009, Bradenton, Florida resident Mark Berlanger was all partied out when he handed the keys of his van to his 8-year-old boy and told him “take the wheel, Buddy, cause daddy’s too tired to drive.” After narrowly missing two pedestrians, the boy crashed into two trees and shortly thereafter police arrived to give daddy his award, some jail time. When asked why he did it, the man told police that he had taken a tad too much Xanax and felt it was the perfect opportunity to “do some bonding with my son.” Word of advice, Mark, it’s tough for your kid to “bond” with you when you’re passed out in the passenger seat of the family van.
4. It didn’t take Adam Manning of Ogden, Utah long to figure out that he wasn’t cut out to be a daddy just yet when, in October, 2009, he sexually assaulted the nurse who was wheeling his wife into the delivery room to deliver their first child. While Adam was being arrested for sexual assault for grabbing the breast of the nearest nurse, his wife was giving birth to their first child. Nice going, dad. Won’t you have some funny stories to tell the kid on future fathers’ day celebrations. Betcha can’t wait to get the wife knocked up again, just so you can go on a second date with Nurse Betty.

3. American Idol Runner-up, David Archuleta’s dad, Jeffrey Archuleta, is now known for more than his undying love for his talented son. He is also known as the guy who, on January 14, 2009, was caught with his pants down in a raid on a massage parlour in Midvale, Utah. Seems daddy Archuleta was caught “receiving services” from a masseuse and let’s just say there was more than a little Reiki going on. To be fair, Jeffrey Archuleta’s attorney says that his client was in the wrong place at the wrong time. “He was there seeking relief for a back problem and before he knew it, his pants were down and he was being handcuffed.” Shortly thereafter, the police showed up and arrested him.

2. Here’s a tip for Michael Serrano of Chula Vista, California: If you are going to show up at every one of your kid’s little league baseball games and you’re the district secretary for the local chapter for Little League Baseball, then wear a ski mask, not just a ski cap, when you are robbing the local banks so that your son’s friend’s father, who just happens to attend the same games and who, incidentally happens to be a law enforcement officer, doesn’t recognize you as the robber.

1. Jon Gosselin. Although, to be fair, he had more than a little help from Kate.

Nadya and Kate Create Momopoly on Reality Shows

Nadya Suleman, known as Octomom, and Kate Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8, have joined forces to create what may be the first momopoly of motherhood-related reality shows.

With 22 kids between them, they’ve decided to pool the insane amounts of money being thrown at them for having more buns in the oven than the Pillsbury doughboy, to form Octomom Productions, in hopes of continuing to exploit their children on various reality shows until they reach the age of consent or lose their novelty, whichever comes first.

Plans to purchase Neverland Ranch as headquarters for the entire brood are in the negotiation stages. Said Nadya, “Kate and I have become very close since our first meeting to compare big baby belly pictures, and once Jon decided to be like every other lying, rat bastard dad who walked the earth with his promises to love and honor until the babies start screaming and crying at all hours of the night and he has a freakin’ hangover because he can drink but Kate can’t cause she has to nurse and you look at him and say ‘get out of her freakin’ life you sex fiend’ if he goes even close enough to wish sex on her again…” whereupon, the interview was cut short due to Nadya’s inability to utter a coherent sentence.