Dumbed Down America Embraces Bush Clone, Rick Perry

For anyone still wondering if America is being dumbed down, all one has to do is look at the line-up of presidential candidates coming at us from the right and it’s a no-brainer.

One of the most questionable of all when it comes to having the smarts to lead our nation, Rick Perry, just came out ahead in the most recent Gallup Poll, which pretty much speaks volumes about where we are, intelligence-wise, as a country. History seems to be repeating itself as another Bush-like candidate seems likely to capture the hearts and ‘minds’ of Americans.

We all remember some of the hilarious things that came out of President George W. Bush’s mouth during his presidency such as “They misunderestimated me,” and “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” With Perry taking an early lead in securing the GOP nomination, we are left wondering if Americans, in general, have the smarts to elect an intelligent leader.

While Texans are pretty much used to the inane way Perry expresses himself, the rest of America is just now getting a taste of how Perry thinks. Judging from the attention he’s getting by offering to open a can of Texas-size whoop-ass on anyone in Washington who does something he doesn’t agree with, aka Ben Bernanke, he’s becoming more popular than a Saturday night MMA brawl.

For the sake of argument, let’s say Rick Perry is brighter than a neon pink mini-skirt. Still, we can’t help but imagine how this country is going to fare under an elected President who, instead of ending his inaugural speech with “God Bless the United States of America,” would find nothing wrong with leaving the nation with the words “Adios, mofos.”

Rick Perry Wins Over Evangelicals by Speaking in Tongues

By most Christian leaders’ estimates, Rick Perry’s “The Response,” a national day of prayer and fasting, was a pretty big success. Backed by the American Family Association, Perry pulled in about 30,000 Christian followers to Reliant Stadium in Houston.

While Perry claims his main goal was to bring people together to pray for America, there can be no doubt that the true purpose behind the rally was to win support of the Evangelicals for his eventual run for President. With that in mind, Perry and his people knew that it would take a lot more than a fancy stage, some good old-fashioned Bible thumping, and a no-barbeque prayer meeting to convince America’s Evangelicals he was their guy.

While Perry acknowledged at the rally that “I am one of you,” referring to his being a devout Evangelical, he backed it up with strong words—in a totally undecipherable language. That’s right, Rick Perry began speaking in tongues. While he only did so for a short while, it had an amazing impact on the crowd.

“From that point forward,” claims a close Perry adviser, “we knew he had the support he was looking for, and he was going to enter into the Presidential race with a new-found confidence.”

After the rally dispersed, Perry was asked to comment on his experience.

“Wow, that was incredible,” he said. “I always wondered how they did that. I had no idea until now how it felt to have the Holy Spirit enter your body,” he marveled.

“Just a quick question,” said Perry. “Was that a real ghost? I mean, I’m not gonna be like possessed or anything now, am I?”

Texas Governor Rick Perry Loses Governor’s Mansion in Poker Game

Police in Austin, Texas were called to the Governor’s Mansion downtown in response to a call-in report that a strange man appeared to be living in the dwelling amidst the chaos of reconstruction. Upon entry, police officers found Henry Waldrep asleep on a small cot in the grand ballroom. Alongside Waldrep, they found a small crate with a makeshift cook stove on top and empty McDonald’s wrappers and several empty beer bottles littering the floor.

Police immediately arrested Waldrep for criminal trespass and were in the process of patting him down and handcuffing him when Waldrep told the officer he won the mansion in a game of poker with Governor Rick Perry.

To prove his innocence, Waldrep produced a set of keys to the mansion and a crumpled cocktail napkin from the Golden Nugget Casino in Las Vegas that carried a hand-written note honoring Rick Perry’s bet of the mansion in a poker game. Officers then called the Mayor’s office to determine what to do and it is then that they found out that Waldrep was indeed telling the truth.

A close aide to the Mayor confirmed that Perry informed them of the loss when he returned from Vegas in late June. “ Evidently, Governor Perry was a little down on his luck while playing in the No Limit Hold ‘em tournament at the Golden Nugget. With nothing else to throw in the pot, he decided that he’d bet the mansion. We had no idea the guy would take the bet seriously and actually move into the mansion.”

The aide, who declined to identify herself, told officers to let the man stay until the matter could be legally sorted out. Texas, unlike other states, has a law on the books that says when a poker bet is made, no matter how ridiculous, the bet is honored. There is a legal question, however, as to who is the rightful owner of the Governor’s Mansion.

Officers had no choice but to release Waldrep and let him stay in what appeared to be his official residence until the Texas Attorney General could investigate the matter.

The Governor’s Mansion was set ablaze in 2008 causing serious damage throughout the dwelling. It has been under renovation ever since. Perry and his family are currently residing in a leased home in West Austin and could not be reached for comment.

Asked if the smoke smell didn’t bother him, Waldrep replied, “Heck no. I’ve been living in a little teardrop trailer in the Nevada desert now for 3 years. A little smoke smell sure as hell ain’t gonna kill me.”