Selasa, 11 Oktober 2011

New Poll Shows That 99% of Americans Think Glenn Beck is Nuts

The National Opinion Research Center has just published the results of last week’s tracking poll which indicates that a solid 99% of Americans think that radio talk show host Glenn Beck is nuts.

The poll results were broadcast mere minutes after Beck warned capitalists on his radio show to beware of the Occupy Wall Street movement.

“Capitalists, if you think that you can play footsies with these people, you're wrong. They will come for you and drag you into the streets and kill you...” said Beck on Monday.

Keith Martin, an employee at NORC who was in charge of accumulating the votes said that they weren’t expecting the push back on Beck to be so high, seeing as that 99% included people who regularly listen to his radio broadcast.

“All we can conclude is that in America today,” said Martin, “people like Glenn Beck are expected to be crazy, to say and do the outlandish to make money, so that when it comes time to vote in a poll on whether or not the guy is nuts, they are saying yes in a positive way.”

Still, Martin wanted to make a point that those following Beck now only accounts for .000041 percent of the actual polling figures and therefore, those who think he is truly nuts is still at a solid 99%, and half of those polled believe Beck is dangerous and capable of carrying out a few killings of his own.

As Beck’s former employees would say “the dribble is on his bib,” referring to the fact that Beck now needs to wear a dribble bib to catch the flow of sputum streaming down his chin as he gets worked up talking about those 99ers out there pushing for change in America. Several psychiatrists have confirmed that this is one of the very first signs that a man is going completely mad.

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