Palin Has No Intention of Running for President in 2012

A disgruntled former aid to Sarah Palin claims that he has first-hand knowledge that Palin has absolutely no intention of actually running for President in 2012. He claims that she’s playing the Tea Partiers like a fine-tuned fiddle.

“The truth is,” says Ben Thair, “if the GOP made an announcement today they were going to forego the formalities and just hand the nomination to Sarah, she’d run so fast she’d leave track marks.”

Thair worked under Sarah Palin in the days when she governed the State of Alaska and continued as the assistant to her chief assistant well into the days when she was chosen to be John McCain’s running mate. “I can tell you the precise moment I knew that Sarah Palin wasn’t going to seriously run for any government office,” Thair said.

“It’s when they took her shopping for the first time and she and her kids had the run of the store. All that money flowing through her hands made her realize that just the mention of running for office can get you more money than actually holding that office, depending, of course, on who you are.”

Thair was asked, then, why he thinks Palin is being so cagey about whether or not she will be seeking the nomination in 2012. He answered with a question of his own. “How much money do you think all those Tea Party followers would throw at Sarah whether it’s a contribution to her PAC fund or buying one of her books if they thought she was just in it for the money and had absolutely no intention of running for President?”

“Personally,” Thair concluded, “I’d love to see the GOP give Sarah the presidential nod as their number one candidate. We’d see whether she was willing to give up her millions in endorsements for a paltry $400,000 annual government salary. I’d lay odds she’d run alright, run like hell.”

Iced Tea Spiked with LSD Found at Tea Party Rally

A group of hippies, outraged that the Tea Party Movement is advertising their Saturday protest rally in Sen. Harry Reid’s hometown of  Searchlight, Nevada as a conservative Woodstock, decided to teach Palin and her cronies a lesson they’d not soon forget.

Disguising themselves as conservatives, tucking their long locks up into camouflage ballcaps, and spouting anti-Obama expletives, several older hippies infiltrated the rally and began spiking the community tea supply with real LSD.

Fortunately, only a handful of rallyers drank the tea before the prank was discovered. Of those who did trip out, it was like a scene right out of a Pink Floyd video. Joe and Marie Scottsman, a married couple in their 60’s began to strip off their clothes in front of everyone and declare to those around them that they were going to start an orgy and anyone who wanted to join in were free to do so.

Another elderly Tea Party follower was found wandering around in the surrounding desert collecting what he believed were moon rocks to sell when he got back to earth.

For an hour or two, there was total mayhem as the tea partiers passed around bad information regarding the spiked tea. “Don’t drink the iced tea from the Gulfstream down there over by the welcome tent,” said one PSA. “Do you know how many freakin’ Gulfstream trailers there are here today?” complained one concerned party-goer. Many others were confused in thinking that it was kool-aid that was spiked and not iced tea. Most everyone blamed Obama.

In the end, 47 tea partiers in all were being coaxed down by their conservative counterparts only to be told that they were now undesirable members because of their drug use, unintentional or not. Talk about a bad trip.

The Game Change Exchanges No One is Talking About

A thoroughly entertaining book, The Game Change, has brought to light some “wish we hadn’t said that” moments from almost everyone associated with the 2008 Presidential campaign scene. So I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy to see for myself what all the hubbub was about, especially when I heard that Harry Reid, the gosh-darn nicest, I-don’t-have-a-racial-bone-in-my-body kinda guy is credited with the now infamous line spoken when he was trying to make the case that the country was ready for a black presidential candidate…and referred to Obama as a “light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one. ”

And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Why even Bill Clinton “Mr. Harlem 2002” has been credited with some off-color comments such as suggesting to Teddy Kennedy that a scant few years ago, Mr. Obama would have been getting him coffee. “I’ll take mine black, please.”

After reading between the lines, I was able to find these quotes that were somehow missed by mainstream media in their haste to get the word out on the street as quickly as possible as to just how petty, stupid, moronic, egotistic, and yes, overtly racist most people associated with our government truly are when they think no one is watching:

During a stop for a Memorial Day picnic in Waterloo, Kansas, John McCain was said to be having a rare hissy fit due to a menu change that he did not approve. According to his campaign manager, it was decided that from Memorial Day forward, there would be no eating of watermelon at any of the picnics John attended. “John loved watermelon,” his publicist is quoted as saying, “but they wouldn’t let him have any because on the off chance that his photo would have been snapped with a big slice of watermelon in his hands, it would look like he was trying to parody Obama.”

The Obama campaign was having racial issues of its own when, during the time that the media was busy snapping pictures and making up mean things to say about Sarah Palin being dressed in designer duds, one of Obama’s top advisers made this comment: “they (the media) should be less concerned with Palin wearing Valentino and more concerned about those ‘tighty-whiteys’ John McCain is obviously sporting beneath his seersucker suits,” off-handedly referring to the overt whiteness of McCain’s campaign.

In addition, a source close to Congressman Jefferson “Jeff” Beauregard Sessions III (R-Al)( I am not making this name up), states that Jeff was having a particularly hard time wrapping his head around the fact that there was a good chance that a man of color with a name like Islam had a chance of making it all the way to the White House that he let slip his thoughts to no one in particular, “I’ll tell you right now, if you think that we are going to let this go much further, then you haven’t seen what we are really like when we go into high gear. We’ll be all over the Obama campaign like ‘white on rice.’” Unfortunately, no one knows who “we” are but we (that’s me) have a pretty good idea.

And finally, there was a statement that beat them all when Sarah Palin was caught early one morning chatting with the official McCain campaign laundress: “Hi, Josephine, can I call you Josie? I just wanna know there, how do you get the whites so white and the coloreds so darned bright?