Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain is on cloud nine after winning the Florida Straw Poll by a wide margin. “Cain’s 37% beat Rick Perry by a mile,” said Zelda Hoppingale, of Hallandale, Florida. Hoppingale, 36, traveled with a group of fellow Tea Party delegates to Orlando, Florida for the Fox televised debate on Thursday and stayed over to catch the results of the straw poll.
“We like Perry and all,” said Hoppingale, “you know, cause he’s cute and all. But when we heard that Herman Cain was giving out free pizzas if we voted for him, well that clinched the deal, especially since I just lost my job and used every last cent I had traveling over to Orlando to see the debate.”
Hoppingale’s friend, Marge Schuster was a bit less enthusiastic. “I was all for this trip at first,” said Marge, “but on Friday night, we went to the Hess gas station near where we were staying and gave them our coupon for a free personal-size Godfather pizza. I gotta tell ya, even for free pizza, the stuff was pretty bad.” Schuster would not disclose who she voted for in the straw poll.
“I know I was supposed to vote for that Herman Cain guy,” she said, “but something in the pit of my stomach (she laughed) made me go for a non-pizza gifting candidate.”Asked once more who it was that got her vote, Shuster said, “I’m not really sure of his name but I do know that he’s the one with a big fat Tiffany’s account.”