Important Convention Announcement by Tea Party Nation

Due to circumstances not entirely out of our control, many of our original sponsors have pulled their support from the first National Tea Party Convention scheduled to take place on February 4-6, 2010 in Nashville, TN. Because of this, and the higher than expected fee(s) we unrealistically committed ourselves to paying the keynote speaker(s), we have been forced to drastically cut back on a majority of the activities scheduled for the Convention. Rest assured, the Convention will go on, just not necessarily as originally planned. Also, we ask everyone who has not yet paid their entry fee to do so immediately through our PayPal account. A late fee of $1000 will now apply. We appreciate your understanding.

Following is a list of changes we anticipate making in order to not have to cancel the event (Please pay particular attention to Convention venues and accommodations as they have changed considerably:

Location: Holiday Inn Opryland Airport/Briley Parkway

Accommodations:* Special “kissin’ cousin” price for double occupancy. Use
Code SP2012 for 10% Discount. Kids stay in room free.

Convention Activities:

Thur. 2/4/10 7-8 p.m. Meeting Room 1 (Elvis Room) - Meet & Greet Reception
with hors d’oeuvres has been changed to “Moonshine
Mixer” - a BYOB event. No hors d’oeuvres but plenty
of Cheez Whiz and crackers at a nominal charge.
Entertainment: DJ spinning all your favorite KYOK
Country Hits – don’t forget to tip the DJ!

Fri. 2/5/10 7:30 a.m. Hotel Lobby - Breakfast not provided. Hot water will,
however, be served, and we suggest using the tea bags
from your hats for a calming cup of tea before we begin
the day’s events. To avoid the high cost of room
service,try the all-you-can-eat biscuit bar at
Hardee’s adjacent to the hotel for just $3.95.

Fri. 2/5/10 Meeting Room 1 (Elvis Room) – Snacks will include
water and Slim Jims (for a small donation to help
with clean-up costs)

9:00 a.m. Joe the Plumber – “Hell No, I Won’t Pay My Damned Taxes”

10:00 a.m. Larry the Cable Guy (not the comedian) – “Coaxial is
Making a Comeback”

11:00 a.m. Curly the Hair For Men Regional Rep – “Liberals
and Their Bald Lies”

Events scheduled for Friday afternoon through Saturday evening have been cancelled due to lack of funds and interest. However, since we have already committed to paying Ms. Palin $100,000, the sum total of what we hope to take in on this convention, we have decided to go ahead with the banquet on Saturday night and then fold up the tents.

Suggested activities (for an additional small fee) for those staying in town for the banquet include:

Hourly poolside prayer meetings with various local Baptist ministers.

Checkers tournament Saturday afternoon at 3:00 p.m. $2 entry fee per participant.

Movie Madness Thursday and Friday Night at 8 p.m. in Meeting Room 2 (Hee Haw Room)
featuring: Glenn Beck’s Red Sweater – free popcorn and hot water followed by a special showing of Death Panels, Guns & Health Care Town Hall Yell Meetings (click for preview).

Again, we appreciate your patience and understanding.

*Ms. Palin and the organizers for the National Tea Party Convention will remain at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Center throughout the convention and the banquet featuring Sarah Palin as keynote speaker will remain at the Gaylord. (The block of suites booked by TPN for this event could not be cancelled without suffering the forfeiture of their deposit of $200.)

Those needing transportation to and from the Holiday Inn may purchase specially-priced bus passes at the hotel lobby. Buses from the Holiday Inn to the Gaylord leave every 20 minutes past the hour. A bus schedule will be made available for a small additional fee.

Senate Democrats Should be Sent to Reform School

In the wake of the systematic butchering of the Senate version of the health care reform bill almost single-handedly by Sen. Joe Lieberman (Dem/Ind/Rep/Lib-CN), it has been suggested that not only Lieberman, but all Democrats should be sent to Reform School to learn the meaning of the word reform.

Let’s review. According to several sources, including the latest census polls, approximately 47 million, or roughly 1 out of 3 Americans, are without health insurance in this country. That isn’t counting the folks who are underinsured. Healthcare reform is not an issue of “should it be accomplished?” It is an issue of “when will it be accomplished?”

The original intent of health care reform called for by President Obama would effectively accomplish three important things:

1. Make healthcare insurance coverage affordable to all;

2. Extend coverage to all regardless of pre-existing conditions and not allow denial of coverage for certain procedures; and

3. Improve the quality of health care for all through investing in updated technology and focusing on preventive care.

Sounds easy enough right? Just give those pesky insurance companies a little incentive to become a little more competitive in their premium pricing by offering a public health option that would allow all those uninsured folks who can’t afford the more expensive private health insurance premiums to buy into a government program, allow folks with existing medical conditions to be able to buy affordable health insurance, and allow coverage for more than just being sick, i.e. coverage for preventive healthcare screenings. Right. And therein squats the toad.

Insurance companies like making their huge profits year after year and sitting on their piles of money. They weren’t about to take this lying down, well at least, if they did take it lying down, they’d want to still be on top. So what did they do? Well, they took some of those profits and they gave them to charities all over the world to show what nice guys they are so that the government would get off their backs. Ha ha, just joking to see if you are still paying attention. Actually, they are using some of those profits to buy themselves some high-priced lobbyists, PR professionals, and attorneys to ensure (not insure) that no one, especially some poor out-of-work slob, will get the opportunity to actually afford the product they are selling, because, God forbid, he might get sick and need to file a claim. And you know what? It’s money well spent because it seems to be working!

With the help of most Democrats, the lobbyists are winning with their lies and their deceit. They are systematically making a mockery of our legislative process. And the bill passed by the House is but a mere memory in the wake of what has become a Senate bill that, if it were to be passed today, would:

1. Hand over millions of premium-paying customers to the very insurance companies originally targeted as being the culprits who put us in this mess in the first place, by making it mandatory for all Americans to carry health insurance coverage, whether they can afford it or not. And no guarantee that the premiums won’t rise and it won’t be business as usual once the bill is passed.

2. Allow coverage for pre-existing conditions; however, allowing the insurance companies to charge much higher premiums for high-risk policy holders, making it difficult for them to afford the policies and once again, forcing them to remain uninsured and come under the ire of the government for not carrying health insurance.

3. Not provide a government option, be it public option or a buy-in to Medicare at an earlier age for those who cannot afford private health insurance, which would, of course, force the insurance companies to become a little more competitive in their pricing.

What a deal huh?

But here’s a word of advice, don’t let it get to you. The more you worry about it, the sicker you’ll get, and as it stands now, since you started worrying about it before you sought help for worrying about it, you will not be able to file a claim for your stress-related illness as it will be deemed a pre-existing condition.

So I say that unless and until we send those Senators to reform school to toughen them up and get them some lessons in what reform really means, we will continue the flawed process of seeing any bill, no matter how impressive it once was, not only whittled down to mere inconsequence, but built back into a stronger pro-insurance company bill by those with the fattest wallets and the biggest mouths.

Glenn Beck’s Daughter Sells Daddy’s Drool on E-Bay
Learning that his middle daughter was jonesing to go to Columbia University, Glenn Beck refused to pay for her tuition, stating “if you want to attend some hippie, liberal, communist center of lower learning in the middle of freaking Harlem, you won’t be doing it on my dime, sweetheart.”

So, what does any rich, spoiled dysfunctional daughter of one of the largest whackjobs on T.V. today do? You guessed it, she waited until daddy was passed out on the living room couch--after swigging his nightly cocktail of Nyquil Nighttime Cold and Flu So He Can Sleep Better After Peddling His Personal Brand of Hate on National T.V. Remedy on the rocks—grabbed some sterile gauze, and collected as much of his drool as she could to sell on E-bay, figuring it would at least garner a down payment on her first year’s tuition.

What happened next was a total shock. “Not only did I make enough off Daddy’s drool to pay for my first and second year of tuition at Columbia, but I also had a little left over to buy a cool tie-dyed t-shirt with Che Guevara’s face on it. Daddy is gonna have a freakin’ cow!” she said with a smirk.

Just what kind of person would have that kind of money to spend on something as gross, not to mention potentially dangerous, as Glenn Beck’s drool? Evidently, it was scooped up by a little-known group calling themselves the “Take Back America’s Genes Society” or TBAGS, who have been secretly paying for samples of bodily fluids and other potential sources of DNA from some of the most prominent conservatives in the country.

One spokeswoman, who did not want to be identified, was absolutely glowing over their newest addition to the TBAGS DNA bank. “Glenn Beck, this is incredible. We’ve been trying for years to get a DNA sample on this guy. You’d think with his long list of brushes with the law back in the days of his drinking and drug use, that someone would have kept a sample of his urine or hair. Even with his most recent hospitalization, we weren’t able to convince one hospital employee to hand over a hair or fingernail sample.” Then his daughter just offers it up on E-Bay. What a coup!”

In addition to Beck’s drool, TBAGS records indicate that their other samples include a toenail from Karl Rove, tissue samples from Dick Cheney after undergoing removal of flags under both arms, and nose hair from Rush Limbaugh. When asked if they plan on trying to obtain any DNA samples from Sarah Palin, the answer was a resounding “No!” Said Igor Kransky, head of the sample procurement department, “we here at TBAGS believe that Sarah Palin’s DNA is inherently lacking in the proper elements to make a true conservative clone and therefore we cannot run the risk of contaminating other truer samples.” He continued, “now bring me some leg shavings from Michele Bachmann, and we’ll definitely deal!”

As for Beck’s daughter, when asked if she had plans on selling anything else from her famous father, she jokingly said, “well, there is that white robe and hood tucked away in a corner in his closet that might fetch a pretty penny. Let’s see how my first year of college goes, and if need be, I’ll let you know.